Monday 14 May 2012

Fay’s Faylures : A small and irritating mistake ponders whether she is about to make yet another small and irritating mistake

To Blog or not to Blog, that is the question!
“Write a blog,” people told me. “You like writing, you like making people laugh, you have lived all over the world, you must have lots of stories, what’s stopping you?” 
“Ok I will!” I said and rushed off to my computer. I stared at the screen for a while. I began to have second thoughts. I really had no idea where to begin or even what to blog about. Even if I did, what would people think?  

“Do research,” people told me. “Look at what others are doing. My cousin writes one, my friend’s mother writes one, my uncle’s dog writes one, just check them out.”
“Ok I will!” I said and rushed off to my computer. I stared at the screen and read hundreds of blogs; personal blogs, political blogs, family blogs, travel blogs, health blogs, relationship blogs, fashion blogs, funny blogs, sad blogs,  blogs on how to blog, blogs on how not to blog; I was soon blogged out. They all looked better than anything I could do, with fancy pictures and doo dahs. I began to have second thoughts.  What if people think my blog is boring? What if I offend people by something I write? What if people think I am stupid and are offended and don’t bother to read it because it’s boring. What if I fail???  I really had no idea what I was getting myself into and decided I didn’t want to find out. After all, what would people think?

“It’s just a blog darling,” my husband Greg told me, after I told him I had decided I didn’t want to start a blog after all, that I had much more important things to do; like working on that world famous novel I was trying to write.
“You aren’t running for President or anything. Why are you so worried about it, what could go wrong?”  
“There are a thousand things that could go wrong,” I explained patiently…well alright, I snapped back. He just gave me that highly annoying look he has perfected over the years which lets me know he sees right through my weak excuses. He can be so irritating sometimes, especially when I know he is right! (He thinks he is right all the time but that is a blog for another day!)
 “OK, I will, even if it just to show him,” I said and rushed off to my computer. I stared at the screen for a while.  I began to have second thoughts. What if people would think it is just another thing that I am not very good at? According to a former boss, who had a PHD so he should know, I was not very good at anything at all, other than making too many small and irritating mistakes. (He will also feature in a blog for another day). While this had not exactly helped my confidence or self-esteem, he had given us a good laugh. (We decided that what he actually meant was that I was a small and irritating mistake, which was right on the button. I am small (5’2”), Greg often tells me I am irritating (and vice versa) and my mother told me once, when I asked her if I had been a mistake since I was the last of 7 children and she was in her early 40s when she had me, that all her children had been mistakes, which ironically, had made me feel much better!.) But what could a small and irritating mistake have to say in a blog that would be worth reading? Better not to even try, that way it wouldn’t become yet another of my Faylures (get it?). It would probably be boring anyway, and what would people think?

 I went to bed feeling relieved that I had finally made a decision, but woke up feeling irritated and dissatisfied.  I was just so tired of worrying about what people think. I was even more tired of listening to the voice in my head that told me that I was probably going to fail. I had been listening to that voice my entire life (it used to be high and squeaky, reminding me of one of my bossy aunts, but lately had developed into the deeper patronising tone of my former boss) I was certainly tired of listening to him! I started thinking about a book called Poke the Box by Seth Grodin, that I had read recently. I was not even sure why I was reading it at the time, as it was mainly about being more creative and innovative in business, which was not really relevant, but he seemed to be speaking directly to me at one point.
“Some of us hesitate when we should be starting instead. We hold back, promise to do more research, wait for a better moment, seek out a kinder audience. This habit is incredibly common, it eats up our genius and destroys our ability to make the contribution we are quite capable of making. Call it hypogo-trapped into not enough starting.”
I was not sure about the genius or contribution part but the rest certainly sounded like…well…ulp…me. Was this a sign from God that I should give it a go? But what to blog about? Seth Grodin didn’t tell me that.

Then it came to me as I was sitting in the hairdresser thinking about how I am not very good at handling hairdressers (for some reason they intimidate me and I always say I am happy with the outcome even if I go screaming home and hide in the cupboard crying for weeks until it grows out) which led to me thinking about my nasty boss, who he had made me want to hide in a cupboard crying most of the time, and it may have been the fumes from the hair dye, but I decided that maybe I should try some reverse pyscology and blog about all the things I am not very good at. Maybe there are other tortured souls out there dying to read about my failures and insecurities so they can feel better about their own, and the rest could have a good laugh at my expense.  Maybe I would be good at that. Maybe this could be my genius and contribution that the world has been waiting for? Or maybe it will just be me making yet another small and irritating mistake. Either way, here goes my first ever blog....but what will people think?


17 comments:

  1. Hi Fay, love your first attempt at blogging! I knew you were good at writing and you have a way of phrasing things which appeals to me at least! Keep it up. I will put your blog on my favourites and pop in from time to time to see what you are up to.
    I also have a blog here in south Sudan www.lesleyinjuba@blogspot.com but mine is boring stuff not fun like yours.
    Love and hugs x x

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    1. Hi Lesley,
      Thanks for your kind comments, just what I needed!! I did not know you were blogging. I just checked yours out and was very impressed and it was not boring at all. I will add you to my favourites when I work out how to do it!!
      Kisses
      Fay

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  2. You are Faybulous (get it?)... loved it! xxx

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  3. Very good start Fay. You are good at lots of things including gossiping with me, drinking tea nd shopping! Seriously, go for it...I will follow eagerly

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    1. I didnt know you thought I had so many talents! I should have the PHD!!! Please become a follower!!

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  4. Hi Fay. Angela here - I'm Greg's cousin on the Foster side (Jenny's daughter). I heard about your blog from Peter's facebook page so thought I would come and have a look!
    GOOD ON YOU!!!! I think there are probably a lot of people who would love to start blogging (me included) who just don't have the guts to do it. I do think though as you get older you get pluckier about trying new things as you realise that this life is not a practice run and the years are ticking by. A girlfriend and I started running about 18 months ago - I had always had recurring dreams about running - we are both 40+ and can't get enough of the fun runs now - we are having a ball. Which reminds me that I have my first game of senior women's soccer next Sunday and I haven't played soccer since I was 15! I hear you when you say you are worried about what people think - I am the 'senior' senior woman on the team - the rest are all under 25 and I can just imagine people saying, "Look at that old girl!" My rational side tells me that they'll actually be saying "Good on her!". And anyway I don't REALLY care about what other people think.
    Looking forward to reading your next instalment!

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    1. Hi Angela,
      Thanks for the encouragement and since I am older than you I will probably climb Mt Everest next! Nice to connect with a relative I have not met and you are officially my first follower so that is very exciting!

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  5. Yes - definitely keep at it!! Thanks for the laughs!

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    1. Thanks so much sbf!! Not sure if I know you (its not Sonny Bill by any chance-sorry you may not understand that weak rugby joke if you are not a kiwi!)but appreciate the support and would love it if you became a follower!
      Cheers
      Fay

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  6. How long has it been since you and I have laughed together? Too long I think. Your blog is fantastic. Well done you!! I will certainly be a follower when I work out how to follow and don't have to rely on Genaea to forward me the link!!! haha

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    1. Hi Vikki!!
      So nice to hear from you my long lost friend! It has been far too long that is for sure. Thanks for the encouragement for my blog and hope we can keep in touch!!!

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  7. Hi Fay, I think I just failed better than you... I wrote a reply, hit publish and sent it to oblivion! What I said was, about bloody time you shared your laughter with us all again - blog-on! My theory about failure is that fessing up to being a prat makes others feel less prat-like. What a contribution to most of humanity! Samuel Beckett's advice: Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better has long been my motto. Much love from your Number One Fan, H xxx

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    1. Thanks my number one fan, I promise to keep failing and to do it in style!!

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  8. Well done Fay for making the first move to write a blog - you did well!. Our group here is looking at the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and that's been really helpful for us as we think about things we want out of life and what makes us really happy. Keep up the good work, Nancy

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    1. Thanks so much Nancy! Very nice to hear from you and I like the sound of that book, will check it out!

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  9. Nice Blog Mum! Love Jarred

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  10. Sorry I have just logged on to this. I have been on my honeymoon. I will be a faithfull reader, as I know we are similar in lots of ways (i.e. intimiated by hairdressers) and other things. Your a very good writer. Proud of you! Love Julie Black (Gilchrist)

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